Last week I wrote a blog about putting forward your best self in your marriage and provided 25 awesome ideas for your marriage bucket list. These will help you to build your marriage and keep the love, sparkle and excitement alive.
But let’s be honest we are not perfect people and can easily slip into self-serving behaviours. It takes maturity and a conscious effort to notice these behaviours and correct them. This is why I believe it is important to not marry when you are still immature and unlikely to consider the impacts of your behaviour. Marriage should not be viewed as a fairy tale where your husband is your limitless ATM or your wife is simply an accessory to show off. But rather it is a conscious commitment to grow together, to be a team and work together to create a long-term, successful partnership.
So, this week I am writing a blog about those things that may send your marriage down the path towards the divorce courts. We all need a reminder of these behaviours, so we can avoid them! Here is my list of 12 ways to sabotage your marriage!
1. You spend more time away from your partner & family than with them
It’s great to have hobbies and interests outside of your married life. But this becomes a problem if you are out of balance and neglect your partner or family. Do you view your home simply as a pit stop to refuel and sleep? Are you and your partner like two passing ships in the night? Are you always working late or away on business or away with friends? Have you turned into an exercise junkie who spends 90% of your time training for races?
2. You have 3 upcoming boys or girls holidays planned
Yes, boys only or girls only holidays are exciting and fun, but have you thought of planning a trip away with your partner? When was the last time you two got away together? What’s stopping you from having a fun break away with your partner?
3. You had a bad day at work and take it out on your partner
We are all guilty of this from time to time! Are you taking your work day frustrations out on your partner or family? Are you always grumpy, irritable and not exactly a joy to be around? Rather learn to dedicate some time each day to rebalance yourself, so that you can switch into a positive mode as you enter your home environment.
4. You don’t pull your weight with the joint chores
You don’t do your fair share of work with the result that you push your partner into that dreadful nagging mode. This creates negative energy between the two of you. Is this really necessary? At the start of your marriage decide who is responsible for which chores. This should be a fair system in which both of you contribute to the overall effective functioning of your household.
5. You don’t pull your weight financially
Are you blowing your salary on expensive non-essentials, like handbags or motorbike accessories while your loved one is scrimping to save each month? Do you discuss major purchases with your significant other or do you simply go ahead and spend as you please irrespective of their opinion? Reckless spending and disregard for your partner’s opinion is one easy way to sabotage your marriage. Both of you should be financially responsible within the marriage. You should develop a budget and a system to determine how the bills are split. And you should develop a system for saving towards achieving joint long-term purchases such as a new home, your child’s education or your retirement one day. But remember a budget and saving plan is only effective if you stick to it!
6. You Don’t make sex a priority
Are you making an effort when it comes to sex? Have you drifted into a lazy mode and not taken care of your appearance? Are you making an effort to flirt with your partner and make your partner feel special? Sex is a basic human need and an easy way to connect with your partner. Neglect sex and the relationship will suffer. Why has your bedroom antics ceased?
7. You don’t cultivate any hobbies with your partner
Have you stopped spending leisure time with your partner? Think back to the early days and cultivate the hobbies you enjoyed together? Or better yet find new hobbies to do together?
8. you don’t communicate with your partner
You are a passive free rider in the relationship and don’t share your feelings, thoughts or ideas. You shut your partner out. You don’t initiative communication and you don’t reply to their calls or messages during the day.
9. You repress your feelings
You bottle up your feelings and emotions, instead of expressing them in a healthy constructive way. You then tend to find yourself flying off the handle and losing the plot over seemingly minor issues. This simply causes more drama and confusion in your relationship. Wouldn’t it simply be better to talk about your feelings?
10. You take your partner for granted
You don’t notice what your partner does for you and your family. Do you take these things for granted? You don’t see the effort they are making or their positive contributions. You never say thank-you or express any appreciation for their work.
11. You don’t back up your partner’s decisions
You don’t have your partners back and you are overly critical of every word he or she utters. You undermine him or her and you ridicule them when you are out with friends or family. You don’t back up your partner in front of your children, which in itself leads to parenting stress! You don’t seem to be on the same team.
12. You don’t respect your partner
You don’t treat your partner with love and kindness. You certainly don’t treat him or her how you would like to be treated. You seem to lack respect for your partner! You are constantly bad mouthing your partner to your friends, family or children. You only see negatives and don’t see things from your partners perspective. Why is this happening?
These are the ways in which you sabotage your marriage. You may not even be aware that you are slipping into these bad habits? But this type of behaviour can’t go on for long, otherwise, your well-being will be ruined, along with your marriage!
Relationships do take work and a conscious effort to keep growing and evolving. Don’t let your marriage slip into the dark waters of disrespect and unhappiness. Take a deeper look at yourself to understand why these behaviours are happening. What are your triggers that set you off? Talk to your loved one and get to the bottom of the problem. Be there for each other as you sort through your stumbling blocks to turn the negative behaviours around! Get the love and excitement flowing again. So, you can kick these 12 ways to sabotage your marriage into the curb!